


A Rat's Tail, or Delusions of Grandeur

by Glassdarkly



Series: SB Fag Ends Drabbles and Short Fics Miscellaneous [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Humor, Post-Series, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3247874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glassdarkly/pseuds/Glassdarkly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One half of a telephone conversation. And someone give this guy a reality check.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rat's Tail, or Delusions of Grandeur

**Author's Note:**

> First posted to the SB Fag Ends Livejournal Community in October 2013. Part of the 2013 Halloween Challenge. 
> 
> For the prompt: Rat's Tail from the spellbook _Way of the Shadow_.

"How did you get this number?"

"Oh, right. Well, you can't be too careful. Yeah, this is Willy. What can I do for you?"

"Sunnydale, huh? Been a while since that name came up. Yeah, I had a bar there once. Nice place. Very exclusive. But I sold the business and got out before everything went kaboom!"

"Let's just say, I heard rumours, okay?"

"So it's the Slayer you're interested in? That's Slayers plural nowadays, right? Yeah, I knew Buffy Summers. She was a...a customer of mine. We were very close."

"How did I meet her? Interesting story, actually. Very romantic. I introduced her to the guy she's married to, as a matter of fact. You know, Spike?"

"Well, _technically_ , they'd met each other before, yeah. But those times don't count, cuz, okay, she'd _met_ him, but until I came along, she didn't really _notice_ him. He was just another vamp in a long line of vamps that needed killing."

"Okay, sure, they were both involved with other people at the time - her with Angel - hooboy!melodrama! - him with Drusilla - that's one creepy chick! - but that's the whole point, see? Both of 'em were doing what they had to do to save their respective honeys, and it ended up bringing them together."

"I'm saying they had a lot in common, even back then."

"Okay, it was raging hatred, but so what? It's a thin line, right?"

" _Sure_ it was down to me. Another Slayer - very hot, weird accent-had locked Angel in a cage, right? Well, if I'd just let him go instead of handing him over to Spike, no way the Slayer would have gotten so mad she'd have sworn she wouldn't rest until she'd hunted Spike down like a dog and introduced him to the pointy end of a stake."

"Well, maybe those weren't her _exact_ words. Can't a guy use a little poetic licence?"

"Do you want me to tell the story or not?"

"Okay, then. So, the Slayer was mad, right? She went after Spike with all guns blazing. And the consequence of that was, Spike ended up in a wheelchair. And the consequence of that was that Angel lost his soul and moved in on Drusilla. And the consequence of _that_ was that Spike allied himself with the Slayer. And the rest is history."

"If you're gonna _quibble_...."

"Look, kid, if you hang around demons enough, you learn a few things, like that there's fate and there's destiny, and both of them are stone bitches. Spike and Buffy were meant to be, in my opinion. But sure there was gonna be bad stuff along the way. Pain, suffering. That's how those bitches roll."

"No, I didn't know it at the time. What do you think I am, psychic? But if not for me, none of it would have happened."

"I'm telling the one hundred per cent truth. Ask the Slayer if you don't believe me."

"No, I don't have her number."


End file.
